I’ve become less and less personal here on the blog over the years. At some point, the really personal exchange only took place on Instagram and less on heylilahey.com. Unfortunately. But I notice that blogs are becoming a little more popular again. The fast pace of Instagram and the opaque algorithm drive some people back to “slower” media. At least that is my assessment.
On the blog I can also tell, explain and share a little more and the blog posts are easier to find again than a story or a post that has slipped down the feed.
But before I get to the big news: This year I already shared a not so nice thing with you on Instagram:
Unfortunately, we had two miscarriages in 2021. It was a terrible time that really weighed me down. I can’t really describe how bad the time after the miscarriage was. It was a dark hole, a lot of sadness and a lot of negative emotions that I don’t want to put in writing right now.
Miscarriages are still a huge taboo topic, even though they happen so often. I think sadness, shame, expectations, social pressure, ignorance, etc. all play a role. I don’t want to break the taboo or clarify it, I’m just one of those affected who is still processing the whole thing. But I can remember that reading stories from other sufferers actually gave me a little ray of hope. Especially from people who were more public, such as bloggers/Instagramers etc. It just made me feel a little less alone.
So after I felt a little better, I opened up online and posted about what was going on on Instagram.
We were lucky and got pregnant again this year. Our big news! This time we are already over half way! I know that sounds like a very, very matter-of-fact pregnancy announcement. Normally, this topic only talks about the greatest happiness, the most beautiful and most exciting time. But pregnancies after losses, aka #PregnancyAfterLoss, are just a little more complicated. Of course, every pregnant person struggles with anxiety. But after a loss, these are even stronger and even more real because I know exactly what the worst case scenario feels like. For example, there was hardly any real joy until the 12th week. Good news was always mixed with the thoughts “well, let’s see, who knows if it will work this time”. Every time I had an ultrasound, I felt extremely sick from excitement and fear and always cried. I found bonding with the baby difficult, as well as planning for the baby.